Lordy

It's the subbing error that never stops giving. The wrong Hutton in the Mail Online headlines - though the mug-shot is right on the main story. It's happened before.

Steps

A regular correspondent - a man of taste and style - suggests Jeremy Hunt may have more time to spend perfecting his Lambada before the Olympics, and that I should get ahead of the game by opening a book on his replacement at the DCMS.

He offers Damian Green (desperate to get away from those Heathrow immigration queues); Grant Shapps (why else that strange profile in the Grauniad ?) and Cheeky Monkey Eddie Vaizey.

A second missive notes that, by this stage into Government (23 months) Blair had reshuffled more than 6 Cabinet ministers. Cameron may welcome the opportunity to reshuffle before the summer of fun, and could bring back either David Laws or Liam Fox. The LibDems of course will want to see their numbers maintained if not increased around the Cabinet table. "And the appointment must surely be made with an eye on the Leveson report, due in the autumn. No point putting into DCMS somebody who will be covered in ordure when LJL produces his findings. We live in interesting times !"

Quality street

As the absorbing battle between The Voice (now all about the choreography) and Britain's Got Talent (now all about wedding bands) continues, ITV have raised the bar for Saturday nights in 2013, commissioning six 75-minute episodes of "My Man Can".

This German format pits four couples in a series of challenges. The women have to bet on the likelihood of their men succeeding at various tasks, like climbing stairs in high heels, squeezing oranges against the clock, and tolerating waxing of different parts of their bodies.  A full synopsis can be read here at the excellent game show blog, Bother's Bar. 

Perfect match

My daily "North London" email from Groupon (yes, I signed up, for reasons too pathetic to explain) offers an interesting headline that suggests someone with a sense of humour may be working there.

"3 Brazilian Pizzas £13/Colonic Hydrotherapy £39".

Twitchy

David Kermode, brought in by ITV to restore the breakfast audience, must be thinking the BBC was under-managed. The various leaks about his forthcoming non re-launch relaunch suggest high anxiety and a dozen or so differing opinions about what will do the trick.

Currently, according to the Daily Mirror, Lorraine Kelly will be the main presenter, and the show might even be called Lorraine. Unless they can think of something better, that's not Daybreak or GMTV - I quite fancy a little wager on "ITV Today".  Showbiz and tv previewer Richard Arnold is on his way back, and there's be a fairly straight "Newshour" between 6am and 7am, in the style of the old Penny Smith days.  Maybe they'll go the whole hog and get Keith Chegwin back to scamper round housing estates hoping to wake up housewives in negligees with a cheque.

I expect the downmarket pseudo-quizzes will stay. "What day of the week comes between Monday and Wednesday ?  Is it a) Tuesday b) a prawn c) Newcastle United ? - Calls cost £1...etc".

The answer to ITV's problems with this show used to be BBC Deputy DG Mark Byford, who would at least occasionally watch BBC Breakfast and insist that it carried some news. Now he's gone, it's open house for gormless discussions on kissing in public, why our children can't cook, and how history lessons aren't what they used to be - all now cast with Manc accents.  There's no room for GMTV below - maybe they should aim for higher ground ?

• I particularly enjoyed this stonewall from an ITV spokesman to the Mirror: “Creative renewal is ongoing, we are ­considering a number of options."

Cucumber tests

Collectors of new media speakak (a word coined by the late Erik De Mauny as an equivalent to musak, but speech-based) will enjoy this long blog-post by Andrew Scott, BBC Head of Future Media for Radio and Music (whatever happened to Audio & Music ?)

Here are my highlights - I'm sure you will find your own.

After a series of facilitated brainstorming sessions with Product Management, Editorial and Technical teams we had produced a list of over 250 major features ("epics") based around three big bets of "Live", "Audio Discovery" and "Music". ... . Next we took a swing at how long it would take us. We used the model of tee shirt sizes to get a sense of the size for how long each "epic" might take.....,

.... we decided to go for a series of releases, one every three months. This was just enough of a "left to right" plan to get going knowing that:

• no plan survives first contact with the enemy 
• we had only high level estimates on the huge number of epics we had pulled together 
• we had no track record on which to base our estimates of velocity
• anyway the end date was over the horizon 

....We did a quick analysis of the primary user journeys and agreed with the stakeholders a Minimum Viable Product (MVP) which would allow us to launch so that we could then inspect and adapt based on empirical data. 


....As we did this we evolved a plan that involves a set of virtual scrum teams divided between New Product development and Business As Usual. This allows us to create cross functional scrum teams and move people between the teams without having to change their managers. 


.....We had a bit of trouble initially deciding where in the cycle the acceptance criteria should be created, either by the dev team in the sprint, or as part of the input pack to the sprint, but have settled on the business acceptance criteria being defined by the product management team in the input pack, and the QA folks writing the technical acceptance criteria (in the form of Cucumber tests) at the start of the sprint.

Numbers

It's never my intention to be unhelpful to the BBC, but the house-organ Ariel currently offers a slightly misleading headline "Over 700 BBC staff to work on Olympics".  It goes with the story that the BBC has obtained accreditation for 765 staff for the event. This means they get badges which will get them into the various Olympic sites. I suspect, with 33 hours of tv coverage for each day, and more online and on radio, the total number of 19,995 BBC staff doing something in connection with bringing the event to air will be much higher. They just won't be at the party.

And even at 765 passes, way up from Bejing, there's internal grumbling at who exactly has the accreditation. World Service Radio (weekly reach over 40 million) got two passes for China - but has just one for an event on its doorstep.  All seems a bit odd, judged against the station's slogan: "London Calling: The City of 2012, brought to life by the BBC".

A very short arm's length

We need much more information on Fred Michel, News Corp's lobbyist on the BSkyB takeover - who clearly knew all these emails to DCMS special advisers and civil servants were coming via Rupert Murdoch to Leveson, and attempts to create a Hunt defence in this additional witness statement.  But somehow, sure-footed Fred seems to make things worse...

I didn’t personally meet with Jeremy Hunt very often although I would periodically keep in touch with him. As it happens, both our wives gave birth in late May 2010 at Chelsea and Westminster hospital. We bumped into each other in the very same ward and shared a night of anxiety


And it wasn't just emails that were exchanged.


There were a few personal text messages between Jeremy and myself, For example, after the formal meeting on 20 January 2011, I sent Jeremy a text to say it had been good to see him. He replied: "Good to see u too. Hope u understand why we have to have the long process. Let’s meet up when things are resolved Jo" 16 On 13 March 2011, after Jeremy had been on the Andrew Marr Show on the BBC, I sent him a text saying that he had been "very good". He replied: "Merci hopefully when consultation over we can have a coffee like the old days!


But this is the bit that does it for me... (my underlining)


For the purposes of these emails, I did not distinguish between Jeremy Hunt’s advisers and him personally. His advisers were there to assist and advise Jeremy Hunt and it was my understanding that when they told me something, it was always on behalf of the Minister and after having conferred with him

Hunted

Overnight, images of the Secretary of State for Culture Media and Sport brought a 1973 film to mind - Michael Chricton's Westworld. The brief synopsis: "A robot malfunction creates havoc and terror for unsuspecting vacationers at a futuristic, adult-themed amusement park".

Piers' progress

We haven't mentioned Piers Morgan for a while. This week a year ago, his CNN show returned a figure of 77,000 US viewers in the "ad-friendly" 25-54 year-old demographic - his lowest-ever reach. This week his low was 108,000 - progress, but not rocketing away.  Larry King's lowest comparable figure was 63,000 in October 2010.

Here's the day on day comparison.

           Mon Tue Wed  Thu  Fri
2011   145    77  147  149   86   Total 604k
2012   139  147  172  108 143   Total 709k

BBC lifers v new boys

A feature in today's Times by Media Editor Ben Webster cautions The BBC Trust against appointing a “BBC lifer” as the next Director General, quoting the words of media consultant and radio giant John Myers. He says that the replacement for Mark Thompson must have experience outside the BBC and be prepared to argue that “no one dies if you cut a little bit deeper”.

 “If you have someone from within, you won’t know whether — because they have gone a bit native — they are going to make the right cuts compared with someone with no allegiance or history. Internal candidates who have been steeped in BBC life — they think that’s the only way of doing it.  My big question to all these internal candidates is, ‘how do you demonstrate that you are able to make the big decisions?’ ”

Ben's article then goes on to compare and contrast a "New Boy" and a "Lifer". For the new boy, Ben, or his subs, have chosen to examine Tim Davie, formerly of PepsiCo Europe. This clearly has nothing to do with the fact that Tim employed John, a long-distance sparring partner of mine, to review structures at Radio 1, 1Xtra, 2 and 6Music. On the back of that, John was also employed to look at alternative ways of saving money in BBC local radio - this time by David Holdsworth and Helen Boaden.  For "The Lifer" they have chosen George Entwistle.

George is 11/4 second favourite with Paddy Power, behind Caroline Thomson; and favourite with Bodog and Ladbroke's. Tim Davie (consistently "Davey" with the bookies) is 14/1 and up.  Let's see if this shortens the odds in the two weeks before applications close. The mood music along Great Portland Street is not currently in his favour; during Tim's tenure at Audio & Music, the Trust have had to intervene to reverse radio plans to close 6Music and The Asian Network - clearly, in their view, not the "right cuts", whether they came from "a new boy" or not.

The media marathon

Selected timings...

Michel Roux 3.54

Will Perry - 5Live Sport - 3.54

Sophie Raworth - 3.56

Mark Hutchings - 5Live News - 4.06

Rachael Hodges - 5Live News - 4.36

Mrs Mark Hutchings - 5.04

Susanna Reid - 5.12

Ed Balls - 5.33

Taking the tablets

The problems of early adoption: the BBC lost 138 iPads to theft in 2011, according to The Sunday Express. Overall, computers, cameras, phones and other equipment to a value of £325k were reported stolen over the year, compared with a total of £239k in 2010.

Global leadership

American academia shies away from understatement, but this is a belter. “Lord Patten is an extraordinary figure, a man who has epitomized global leadership in diplomacy, higher education, international affairs and Catholicism.”

This comes from one A.James McAdams, director of The Nanovic Institute for European Studies at Notre Dame University, South Bend, Indiana.  The extraordinary Lord was invited to lecture on "Europe, America and The Changing World Order" earlier this week, and is now presumably on his way home with Lady Lavender. We look forward to the full text.

Live news

A relaxing week ahead for the daytime planners of Sky News. Boss John Ryley is up before Leveson on Monday, and his staff are hardly going to pull away from those pictures. Then Wednesday and Thursday sees James and Rupert Murdoch. Can Rupert last a whole day in front of Robert Jay without losing his temper ? Rupe's current Tweets suggest he's already in a fairly dyspeptic mood...

Question and answer

Question, under FOI, from one Stian Alexander....

Please can you give me details of the number of BBC staff who have been disciplined in the past five years for:  

* Being drunk in the workplace
* Having sex in the workplace
* Taking illegal drugs in the workplace
* Bullying in the workplace
* Stealing from the workplace
* Causing criminal damage in the workplace
* Fighting in the workplace

The response, from Karen Wood, BBC People....

The information is not held in the categories you have requested. The table below shows the number of disciplinary cases in the last 5 years in each of the categories that match your list as closely as we can. 


Behaviour/Conduct 108 
Bullying & Harassment 19
Fraud/Theft 19 
Gross Misconduct 3 
Substance Abuse 11 
Reason not recorded 51 
Grand Total 211

What's occurring ?

Armchair editing is a bad thing, and only occasionally extrudes in this blog. Two things from yesterday - 8 minutes of the 28 minute BBC News bulletin at 6pm were devoted to the minutiae of Abu Qatada's case. Have a word, someone...

And then, late at night, many viewers to This Week will have thought their Freeview box had retuned to one of those channels with much higher numbers...

Form Book 25

Very little movement at the bookies in the 2012 DG Stakes - though Mark Damazer, former Controller of BBC Radio 4, now Master of St Peter's College, Oxford, has shortened a little with Ladbrokes and now stands at 10/1 - fifth favourite.

Those looking for clues about his possible candidacy will pick up on this FT diary where he reveals he's joined a gym in Oxford. And Mark offers this reflection on meetings of the 40-odd heads of Oxford colleges "......there is a democratic air to proceedings and the quality of debate is high. I wonder whether, in part, it is because most people who end up as head of a college are not doing it as a stepping stone to anything else. Rather the Oxford job comes after a career as a distinguished scientist, diplomat, civil servant, lawyer or whatever. The BBC is not a nest of vipers – but the politics of ambition is more apparent".

Too right, mate, as they say at high table.

Camping

Controller BBC1 Danny Cohen has a way with words. He was grilled by BBC Breakfast's Bill Turnbull at a staff event in Salford yesterday, and said the successful launch of "The Voice" was "a big relief". Looking ahead to 2013, he said there was a risk that it might feel "flat in comparison" (to the events of 2012), and that he and his colleagues were planning "a series of tent-pole moments".

Here's some classic dialogue from the film Wayne's World (1992), with our heroes discussing Claudia Schiffer.

Wayne: "Schwing!"
Garth: "Schwing!"
Wayne: "Tentpole! She's a babe!"
Garth: "She's magically babelicious."
Wayne: "She tested very high on the strokability scale."

Check your calendar

In the language of industrial relations, the BBC and unions are holding "an avoidance of dispute" meeting today, over the management's stance on staff appraisals - and I'm confident it'll be stormy.  Another meeting was set for this coming Monday, to discuss the BBC's pay offer of 1%, usually implemented in August. But yesterday Warrior Princess/HR boss Lucy Adams emailed all staff saying the BBC was going ahead whatever the unions said, and paying the 1% from June. In her note, she seemed resigned to some form of dispute: "Clearly industrial action won’t change the amount we are able to pay, or the economic circumstances we face, but it may damage our relationship with our audiences in a year when they will be facing tough economic conditions themselves and will be looking to the BBC for world class coverage of unique events."

For BECTU, Luke Crawley was first out of the blocks: “We’re outraged at the actions of BBC management and shall be balloting as soon as we can. “Our members are angry not only at the size of the pay rise, but also at the precedent that might be set if we allow the BBC to dictate to us, failing to listen to the concerns of their staff through their union.”  The NUJ and Unite have yet to reveal their hand.

In the last three years, whilst many senior management salaries have been frozen or cut (not far enough, in the view of many staff) employees in lower ranks have had rises equivalent to around 1%, 1.2% and 2% - while inflation, cumulatively, ran at 8%.

If the BECTU ballot calls for some sort of action/inaction, then it might start as soon as the Jubilee weekend. And there are plenty of other targets after that. I suspect the staff will rather enjoy the furtive conclaves of managers trying to work out emergency fall-back positions over the weeks ahead. And I wonder if Mark Thompson, in what should be a farewell grand tour year, has really endorsed this brinkmanship strategy from his Operations team (prop: would-be DG Caroline Thomson).

Here's a calendar of upcoming BBC event coverage - some unique, some familiar - that will be pored over by old hands on the union and management side. Click for slightly improved legibility.

Reality check

Maybe the fire in Francis Wheen's shed has had a bigger impact than we thought. This week's Private Eye carries a review by Remote Controller (ususally Wheen) of the new BBC Breakfast from Salford; whoever the author is, they seemed to have been taken in by the Italian graphic artist...

On TV... we know exactly where everyone is. Turnbull and Reid at the start of the week and Charlie Stayt and Louise Minchin at the end sit in front of a window showing industrial Salford, although the view is curiously interrupted by empty red sofas and bucket chairs in an outer ring beyond the studio. These are some of the “break-out areas”, where BBC North employees are encouraged to chill and have “creative interaction” during the day, although this inspirational activity isn’t much use to Breakfast because nobody seems to be in before its 9.l5am sign off.


Dear RC, it's not real, there is no outer ring, there are no sofas and chairs. Someone drew them.

Carrots and sticks

The BBC's relations with its staff seem to be all over the place at the moment - at a time when things should be gently ticking over, awaiting a new DG.  On one hand, HR boss Lucy Adams wants managers to put each member of staff into one of five boxes reflecting their performance over the year. The unions say staff shouldn't agree to this, the thin end of the performance-related pay wedge. In theory, no-one should receive any form of annual pay award until their "appraisal" - an agreed summary of a discussion between manager and team-member - is complete. Yet today, Lucy says everyone will get a 1% rise in their June salary - negating the idea that a rise is only paid if performance is acceptable, and recorded as such.

Presumably, the idea is to take the sting out of a likely ballot for action over the unions' claim for a pay rise of inflation +.

Meanwhile there's an unfortunate hardline being taken with a small group of loyal staff who've been messed about by the BBC since 1997.  They were "TUPE"-d out (sorry about the jargon - transferred with some continuing protection of their employment rights) to private company Babcock. Late last year they were "TUPE-d" back to the BBC - and asked if they could, like other staff, have the option of choosing between the pension options that had been on offer while they were away.  An apparently non-negotiable "no" is the answer.

And in Wales, BBC members of BECTU are being ballotted at the end of this week on strike action in support of one of their officials who's been sacked.

It's all about....

There's a problem with ideas generated in a pub.

You sometimes forget that hilarious caption.

Form Book 24

There's no mention in the DG job spec of "your relations' politics", but Michael Crick, now at Channel 4, follows others who have hinted that there ought to be some political balance against the European record of Chairman Lord Patten when considering DG candidates.

So he looks particularly at Caroline Thomson; gives Helen Boaden largely a clean bill of health; reminds us of Ed Richards' part in the Labour project; and suggests that George Entwistle was radical, at least in his editorship of Newsnight. He might also have added that Telegraph readers probably think Lionel Barber at the FT is a Europhile. Some of them also probably think he was at his best on "Give Us A Clue".

There's no record of Michael Jackson's political views. 

Deal or no deal

BBC redundancy payments totalled £277m over the past seven years, according to figures released to The Guardian under the Freedom of Information Act.  The spend was not even - there were surges in 2006/7 and 2011/12, with payouts in each of those years hitting over £60m.  This happens when the management convinces staff that the deal is about to change. So watch the next 12 months, with the redundancy payout cap due to halve from a maximum of two years' salary to one, in September, and Zarin Patel and Lucy Adams trying to front-load the DQF cuts.

Perhaps more alarming to, say, the National Audit Office, is that over the seven years in question, 5,992 staff were made "redundant", i.e. their role and the requirement for it ceased to exist. However, as far as I can seen Auntie's total headcount fell by around 1,500 over the same period. Which seems to suggest 4,500 "new roles" were created over the same seven years...

The top three payouts over the period were £949k (Mark Byford), then £600k and £435k. Can we work them out ?

• Wednesday update: The BBC tells The Mail the the drop in headcount from 2005 to date is 3,369 - which would imply 2623 "new roles" have been created - iPlayer and Persian are mentioned.

Acknowledgement

At least one regular reader will be looking for a note of contrition from this blogger about the wisdom and value of the BBC's investment in The Voice.  Over three shows, it has risen to an average audience of 10.7m viewers, each time beating Britain's Got Talent in the overlap period. Next week the two crews separate, and it looks like Simon Cowell has blinked before Danny Cohen. However, BGT did put on viewers this week, to hit an average of 9.6m. So the impact of clear water remains to be seen.

Next week, the format of (it's all about) The Voice turns into a mock boxing ring, where some performers sing into each other's faces, like Scott Parker squaring up to Mikel, to maintain their places in the competition. The BBC would wish us to think this is a caring development of singers for the nation, not a karaoke bear-pit.

Meanwhile, after weekend leaks from Tom Bower's unauthorised biography of Simon Cowell, Amanda Holden, Alesha Dixon and David Walliams will be wondering what it was that placed them on a judging panel with the charming media mogul.

Cybernats

Supporters of Scottish independence are once again gunning for the BBC, after the posting of series of internal BBC briefing videos on the web.  They feature Scottish political editor Brian Taylor, Andrew Neil, Nick Robinson and Stephanie Flanders - and the nationalists' analysis is that they "cast significant doubt on the willingness and ability of the BBC to cover the independence referendum in an impartial manner".

The cries of unionist conspiracy are rather odd when you realise the four videos are widely and publically available on the BBC's College of Journalism website, in bite-sized chunks, uploaded over a week ago, after a session chaired by Director of News Helen Boaden back on March 6th.

Form Book 23

One marginal movement in the odds for the 2012 DG Stakes this week - William Hill have moved George Entwistle to be their favourite, at 9/4, in from 11/4.  He's also on pole with online bookmakers Bodog at 2/1.  Maybe they've been reading my shortlisting assessment.

Caroline Thomson is still favourite with Paddy Power, also at 9/4.  Helen Boaden has drifted out, from prices as short as 5/4, to offers of 4, 5 and 6/1. Paddy Power and William Hill make Ed Richards their third favourite, in from opening positions of 12/1 to 11/4 and 4/1 respectively.

Subject to contract ?

Could this be the week we learn of a deal between the BBC and developers for Television Centre ?  We've been warned it's close, and punters will be keen to see the value -  somewhere between my niggardly estimate of £30m and leaks of a top bid of £200m.

There's a fin de siecle air to much of the building already, evidenced in these pictures from Peter Sumpter. For many more pictures of the building in operation over the years, try Bernard Newnham's collection.  And if you can hang on until May 15, the BFI is hosting a preview of a 90 minute documentary, Tales of Television Centre, made by Richard Marson. .

Any news of the iceberg ?

Bill Tidy's cartoon of a worried trainer leading a polar bear towards the Titanic offices is my most treasured memento of this event. If, as a BBC viewer and listener, you feel as if you've already given in terms of remembrance, think on.

Here's a list of more to come, including Songs of Praise, Blue Peter and, gawd help us, Radio 2; it's much worse if your tv ariel is tuned to BBC Northern Ireland.

December 20 this year marks the 25th Anniversary of the sinking of the Phillipines ferry Dona Paz, which collided with an oil tanker and caught fire. Although official passenger lists suggest there were 1,500 on board who died, it's widely accepted that it was regularly and seriously overcrowded, and the death toll was over 4,300. But without dinner jackets, I expect it's an anniversary that will pass the BBC by...

Friendly fire

For those either fulminating or sighing at allegations of people being shot at with air rifles near MediaCityUK, Salford Quays, I'm tempted to repeat a legend oft circulated in BBC News. It's the tale of a bored senior figure who enlivened dull days in his Television Centre eyrie with target practice aimed at security staff below patrolling the main gate.  His theory was that they'd never feel it through those greatcoats.  Now, as to whether it's true or not...

Form book 22

On the basis that fast shortlisting is good shortlisting (and simply for fun, of course) I've assessed the five bookies' favourites for the BBC DG job against the "personal traits", "competencies" and "experiences" listed in the newly-published job ad. I've given a maximum of five points for those identified as "must have", and a maximum of three points for those deemed simply "nice to have".  By my reckoning, this puts George Entwistle and Helen Boaden ahead on level pegging, followed by Lionel Barber, Caroline Thomson and Michael Jackson. All down to the interview now...

Ad

And finally, here's is Dom Loehnis' homework - the advert and role specification for the next DG of the BBC - complete with recruitment consultants Egon Zehnder's logo.

I suspect that more than a few of the BBC's critics will be surprised to see that, among the competencies required, "commercial acumen" is merely "nice to have".  And three of the eight "experiences" required of candidates are also "nice to have" - "editorial background", "cross-platform experience", and "international experience."    CV with a covering letter explaining how you meet the role specification, by the7th May, please - and no later !

Through the square windows

Morecambe and Wise used to call it "news from the betting shop".  During my brief period in BBC TV News, in the early 1970s, the news reader would appear in front of camera shots of the real newsroom - either actually sitting on a subs desk for summaries, or overlaid by chroma-key from a studio. Several problems ensued. The major one was that, by the time the bulletin was on the air, all the subs had done their work, and were either in the studio or had gone - the mighty newsroom looked empty. Then viewers complained that people walking around in the background were distracting - so a floor manager was introduced, to corral all staff out of sight, apart from one typist deemed trustworthy enough not to wave to her mum.  Quite soon after this innovation, the live robotic camera in the newsroom pivoted to a shot of less risky Venetian blinds, used as the background for the remainder of the bulletins. Then someone started fiddling with the blinds, and the camera shot was replaced by a beautiful still of pristine Venetians.

I'm not sure when back projections first became fashionable for tv news sets. They offered big changing images over the shoulders over presenters - without the funny edges of chroma-key. It used to be that you had a choice of either real photographs for your background or the work of a graphic designer. In recent years, the arrival of the laser disc allowed the graphic designer to add movement.  Now the favoured backgrounds for BBC News have distant shots of pretend newsrooms, with pretend subs watching pretend computer screens, while pretend lifts rise and fall in the cavernous space that emphasises the mega-resources.

Breakfast and the 10 O'Clock News have always favoured this heightened "reality", where a graphic designer is given a brief, and then, with or without medication, tweaks it on a special scale that clearly exists, with arrows pointing, variously, to Dali, El Greco, Lowry and Grand Theft Auto.  On the first day of Breakfast from Salford, two of the pretend windows had views of the roofs of a pseudo-Brookside estate - they don't seem to have made it to Day Two.  Still enough graphic conceits do survive. Here are my favourites.

Phoning home

I know it's a little late to suggest this, but BBC DG Mark Thompson might think about buying a second mobile phone to use in the States. According to an FOI response, he's top of the league of roaming charges for the  Executive Board.

Total Mobile Phone Roaming Charges for BBC Executive Board members
April 2010-February 2012

Helen Boaden £212.20
Tim Davie £99.29
George Entwistle £18.87
Zarin Patel £503.16
Ralph Rivera £0
Mark Thompson £2854.69
Caroline Thomson £188.74

Technocrat Ralph, who only joined halfway through this period, presumably borrows a friend's phone when on the road.

Form book 21

Tara Conlan in The Guardian has the story of Lord Patten briefing The Trust on progress towards the recruitment of a new Director General.

One of her sources suggests Lord Patten was in skittish mood, saying the successful candidate would need the  "the wisdom of Aristotle" as well as the "striking power of Wayne Rooney".   There are at least two hopefuls who would have preferred Chris to mention other philosophers - Aristloclea, Aspasia or maybe Arete of Cyrene - and other goalscorers - Kelly Smith or Fara Williams.

Tara confirms the bookies view - The internal favourites are thought to be Caroline Thomson, the BBC's chief operating officer who has helped steer the corporation through a previous charter review, director of news Helen Boaden and director of vision George Entwistle.

But this line will have our turf accountants wondering- One source claimed that so far the list of external candidates who are the right age and have the right experience has "fallen short" of expectations.


Does this mean that Ed Richards at Ofcom and Lionel Barber have decided not to play, or that they don't have the right experience ?  Lord Patten really needs strong external candidates, even if his intention is to place the job inside; he and Dom Loehnis need to convince Cameron it was a proper contest.

On the record

At the end of January, I highlighted a BBC response to an FOI inquiry, which asserted it would take more than four days to track down emails to and from Mark Thompson, from before January 2009, because of the process required to examine the archive.  This was interesting then (and now) because of various searches going on in news organisations to demonstrate (or not) clean hands in covering various stories. Famously, in News International's case, emails which once were lost were later found.  As the Leveson inquiry commenced, Mark Thompson ordered an internal review of the BBC record, and announced there was  "no rumour, whisper or suggestion" of phone-hacking by staff in January.

John Walker started this line of inquiry into the BBC's email archive in December last year; he followed up the January response on February 4, and it has taken the BBC two months, rather than the specified 20 working days, to come up with a longer version of the same response.

This still puzzles me. If it's so hard to find Mark Thompson's emails from before 2009, why was it so easy to clear 9,000 journalists of possible misbehaviour ?  Or didn't they look at emails ? Or only after 2009 ?

Full English

So now we await the "new look" BBC Breakfast, after an Easter weekend of decidedly odd presentation from London, featuring Nick Owen, unfortunately unable to distinguish between the words "slash" and "splash".

I think the point is there'll be very little changed - after the experience of the Daybreak re-launch, nobody wants to scare the audience any more. So the set is a slightly-squeezed version of the current weekday Breakfast look - squeezed because it's built in office space, not a "proper studio".  The only changes are some upright white panels between the pretend windows, and the Italian graphic artist has created a computer-game version of a vaguely Mancunian skyline.

And the guests ? Buck Brannaman, an American horse trainer who was a consultant on The Horse Whisperer - a documentary about him, called Buck, gets a cinematic release this month. I can't yet spot a cinema that's showing it; Connie Fisher, starring in Wonderful Town just across the dock, at The Lowry.

On this basis, here's my list of upcoming last half hour guests for the rest of April.  John Owen-Jones and Katie Hall, stars of the touring version of Phantom of the Opera; Gareth Gates, coming to the Empire, Liverpool in Hair; Elaine C Smith, touring the North of England as Susan Boyle in "I dreamed a dream".  Oh, and Phil Redmond on his bid to run Liverpool TV.

Quiet

There is quality writing in BBC newsrooms - even on story-free days like Easter Sunday. But sometimes the creative energy is expended on Tweets rather than on air.  Today, this is my favourite...

"Ah, the slightly resentful buzz of a newsroom on a Bank Holiday Sunday. Like a dozy wasp trapped in a jam jar".

In MediaCityUK, Salford, where staff are still geeing up for the launch of weekday Breakfast on Tuesday, it seems the Easter lunch offering is high in carbs, but not much else...

Notoriety

A poll by the website GiveMeFootball - 78% chose our favourite newsreader, while 3% got the right answer.

Precious cargo

That's it - the BBC Breakfast Celebrity Rolodex has been securely packed in bubble-wrap, treated with Smartwater, and is padlocked in an unmarked pantechnicon with discreet outriders on the M6, heading for MediaCityUK.

The first broadcast edition from Salford is scheduled for Tuesday, but all this week there have been two Breakfasts - the one the public sees, and parallel pilots from the new set. There have been moments when it's possible to believe the wrong one got switched to air - this was clearly the case when Steph McGovern did an Irish jig, and Sally Nugent said a bad word, and Des O'Connnor appeared.

We know the new presenter line-up - but what about the "friends" of the show ?  Will part-time GP and media medic Dr Rosemary Leonard be popping up from South London ? Will Paul Lewis, doyenne of Radio 4's Moneybox, be on the new sofa (shared with North West Tonight) with patient explanations of personal finance, trailing his show ?  And will the West-End theatre feature as much in the final half-hour ?  Time will tell...

Happening

Ah, the spending of the licence fee around the UK...  The BBC has shaken up its design services roster in a new tender excercise, reported by Design Week.  Staying on the list are D8 (studios in Birmingham and Glasgow) and Studio Output (London and Nottingham).

No longer engaged are 999Design (Glasgow, Manchester and London) Blast (Islington), Harriman Steel (Hoxton) Premm Design (Mortlake) and Red Stone (Clerkenwell).

In come Fan Club (Spitalfields), Kent Lyons (Bermondsey) and ..... Origin Creative. At last ! Of The Orion Business Park, Bird Hall Lane, Cheadle Heath, Stockport.

Form Book 20

William Hill is the only bookmaker that seems to have adjusted their odds for the 2012 BBC DG Stakes this week - could they be reading this blog ?

Caroline Thomson is still their favourite; at 5/2, she's back to the odds at which she started. There are those in the BBC who thinks she's been trying too hard - one cruelly mentioned Hyacinth Bucket in a baseball cap - but she goes into the Easter holiday in the lead with Paddy Power as well.

Hill now make Ed Richards third favourite, at 7/2 - behind George Entwistle, and ahead of Helen Boaden. Added to the Hill odds list are the Master of St Peter's College, Oxford, Mark Damazer (14/1) and the Editor of the Financial Times, Lionel Barber, at 20/1.

Dropped from their current prices are Mark Scott of ABC in Australia, and Danny Cohen, Controller of BBC1.

Neat

It seems that "new" Broadcasting House is getting older fast. For architects and interior designers, there's always a tense period in the handover of a new building - will the occupants embrace the clean lines and sassy furniture, the leading-edge breakout spaces, the touch-down pods, etc and RESPECT THE CONCEPT - or will they revert to type ?

Peter Salmon seems to have kept them in line at MediaCityUK, in Salford; staff at the Media Centre in White City generally play by the house rules, led by hot-desking DG Mark Thompson. But at Broadcasting House, the pot plants, rugs and sellotape have made it through security, and the crisp, modern, shared workplace is said to be well on the way to looking like the set of Waterloo Road.  Some departments in the wide open spaces are apparently hardly visible for foliage barriers of weeping figs, yuccas and peace lilies.

Even the white glass of the huge reception has been "decorated" with huge decals of Bruce Forysth and other broadcasters of the future - a departing gift from marketing supremo, Helen Normoyle, on her way to add a touch of class to sofa-pushers DFDS.

Does this matter ?  Mark Thompson is known to favour tidy, focussed working in clean and uncluttered surroundings - paper plays little part in his working life. Broadcasting House is "owned" by Caroline Thomson, very much a candidate to succeed as DG, whereas many of the staff currently wielding sellotape belong to rivals Helen Boaden and Tim Davie. Will Lord Patten mind if Auntie's £1bn investment is dotted with fold-up bikes, tea trays, old rucksacks, etc, leaning against pillars festooned with rotas, union notices and invitations to lunchtime jewellery sales ?

A life lived in Femail

'There are downsides to looking this pretty': Why women hate me for being beautiful. That's the headline across an article in the Mail's Femail section today, by Samantha Brick.

It seems Ms Brick (aka Mrs Pascal Rubinat) is an expert - on Ms Brick. And if she didn't exist, the Femail section would have needed to invent her. Here's a selection of her recent contributions...

April 2009: Catfights over handbags and tears in the toilets. When this producer launched a women-only TV company she thought she'd kissed goodbye to conflict...

April 2010: How could a well-educated TV executive let her addiction to psychics cost her £25,000 and ruin her marriage?

July 2010:  How TV is run by sexist pigs who only want one thing (and it’s not ratings): The shocking inside account from a former TV executive

October 2010: I can ménage, thank you: The career girl who gave it all up to become a housewife in rural France

October 2010: Why a magazine for large women is just a big, fat con (and I should know, I used to be a size 16)

December 2010: My husband says he'll divorce me if I get fat

April 2011: This life: Samantha Brick on why prenups show you really care

April 2011: I'll always be that fat girl: Samantha Brick has always obsessed about her weight... all because she was a chubby child

August 2011: I use my sex appeal to get ahead at work... and so does ANY woman with any sense

August 2011: Would YOU let your husband dress you? Samantha does and says she's never looked better

It isn't all straightforward for the beautiful one, however...

March 2012: The adult acne epidemic: Forget teenagers, modern lifestyles mean middle-aged women increasingly suffer the misery of bad skin

Role modelling

I'm guessing that the BBC Trust has now signed off the ad for a new Director General. There's no mention of the process in the 2012/3 workplan, but maybe Patten's Perestroika of the Lyons Gosplan unit has changed all that.

I found a screwed-up scrap of paper in the bar in Villandry earlier this week; largely illegible, but this is what I can make out...

English as a first language; no funny accents


Willing to do the job for around £400k plus a car and driver. No perks we can mention publicly, but we can talk about Hootenanny tickets in the interview.... 


The technocrat thing: Yes, agree they should be able to switch on an iPad, but I'd still rather they've never been on Facebook or Twitter


Age not an issue, but we need a doctor's note saying they can make it to 2017 without croaking


Clearly Chris, they have to get on with you, but in terms of a balanced ticket and insurance against all things Miliband, we need a c.v. without Eton and The Bullingdon Club. Maybe even without Oxford ?


Gender: Agreed my target is a shortlist of five,with at least two women, and at least two outsiders. After that, it's up to you and DC. 


Yours


Dom

Off target

An afternoon trawling round the BBC Jobs site - hoping for a first sight of the DG job spec - reveals a total of 106 vacancies for which the BBC is prepared to consider external candidates. This is includes a new chunk of 35 opportunities for the awkwardly-named "Extendee" role. This is the BBC's Disability Scheme, offering six month placements around the Corporation, from Breakfast to Newsnight, from Comedy to Religion, from Finance to Factual - all in the hope that it might lead to permanent employment.

This may well be linked to a minute from the BBC Trust Meeting on January 19 this year, when the Executive was asked to supply the reasons for a fall in the number of disabled staff.  In 2009, the BBC set a target of 5.5% across all staff to be reached in 2012, with a new goal of 4.5% of senior management.  By June 2011, the all staff figure stood at 3.8%

Media training

Andrew Marr shows Yvette Cooper how to adopt a relaxed, non-threatening posture for political interviews on tv.

Solo

The unpleasantness over the departure of Suzanne Virdee from the presentation team of BBC Midlands Today is worrying, but perhaps also an indicator for other BBC regional shows. Suzanne was apparently offered a five month contract (after 11 years with the show) to end in September. The negotiations broke down, and, presumably because Suzanne went "public" with her departure, a phone call was made asking Suzanne not to bother coming in for her last two scheduled appearances.

Some BBC1 regional opts at 6.30pm manage with one presenter - it's standard for BBC London - and it could well be that Helen Boaden and David Holdsworth have decided that should be the norm, with a deadline of September.  If the News Channel is managing with one most of the time....

Form Book 19

Odds and ends:  Matthew Bell in the Independent on Sunday says candidate-last-time Andrew Neil has ruled himself out of the 2012 BBC DG Stakes, thusly "I thought about that, but ruled it out. I'm having too much fun. We could do with a woman at the top, and we need a proven programmes person, who will concentrate on content. I'm backing Boaden."

From the Guardian's corrections and clarifications: Caroline Thomson, the BBC's chief operating officer and a contender for the post of director general, was described by the author of a profile as "comprehensive-educated". In fact she was a pupil of the Mary Datchelor girls' school in Camberwell, London, a voluntary-aided grammar school.

(The Mary Datchelor school closed in 1981, and the buildings have been converted to apartments. Caroline's contemporaries included actress Nichola McAulliffe, and writer Eleanor Updale aka Mrs James Naughtie, who joined the BBC as trainee at the same time as Caroline).

• I've predicted before that this should all be sorted before Wimbledon. It might be even better if it was done and dusted by 15th June - when candidates Boaden and Thomson are set to feature in the York University Alumni Weekend, hosted by Chancellor and curtailed DG Greg Dyke.