Imagine

"Hello, you're through to Content Control, Compete and Compare Central - what's your problem ?"
"Hello again. It's The One Show here - thanks for all your help with Sir Cliff last week. It's about Clarkson."
"You're winding me up - we're still on the Gompertz case for that free News plug, The Today programme are doing that turncoat Wilman, and now you ?"
"Well if we do Clarkson, we're reckoning on a Top Ten placing in your Compete and Compare Social Media Meltdown Weekly Metric - that's the sort of thing you want, isn't it ? And free publicity for competitors hits both Transparency and Distinctive key performance indicators,  as I remember .."
"Look, it's a straight forward no - Tony's had enough."
"Well what if we just do Hammond and May.... (fade out)

(A little later)
"Hello, Content Control here. What's the issue ?"
"Afternoon, boss, Radio 2 here...."