Zarin Patel: "I'm sorry, I thought I could turn it round".
Caroline Thomson: "I thought I could turn this round, then George Entwistle sacked me."
Antony Fry: "Hey, what can I say guys ? IT is difficult and it's not my bag."
Mark Thompson: "I'm sorry I said it was working, but it was all in my briefing notes. By the way, Linwood - nice guy, but he's more to blame than my chums in Vision...."
It was left to current Director of Operations, Dominic Coles, to reveal that the bit of DMI John Linwood says is working, the metadata archive, is on 3,000 workstations, not 5,000 and has 163 regular users. It is, says Mr Coles, "incredibly clunky", taking on average 10 times longer per task than the 40-year-old INFAX system to track down clips and tapes - and the software licences with IBM cost £3m p.a. (down from £5m p.a.).
Mr Coles gave a cuff-shooting performance to rival Harry Hill, and revealed that where John Linwood had wanted to deliver DMI bit by bit, he would be delivering End-to-End Digital by chunks, which is clearly quite different and revolutionary.
He also said that Tony Hall was looking for "two additional non-executive members" of his top board, which might make 5 or 6, depending on where you start counting.
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